That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
