Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
