that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
