ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
