you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
