I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
