well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
