i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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