go do what you do best...puke behind churches
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
