So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
