i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
