I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
