I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize