At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
