hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize