I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
