i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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