i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize