I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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