I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
