Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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