So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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