And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
