If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize