How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
