It's like a parade of train wrecks.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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