I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
