You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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