Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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