i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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