I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
