I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
