woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
