We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
