My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I didn't notice because vodka
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize