Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge†by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
