Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
