yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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