You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
