she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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