I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
