it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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