Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
