don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
