Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
