apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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