Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
