OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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