Just fell off a train. Bad.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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