i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
