I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
