woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
