Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize