woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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