It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
