tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
