literally had 100 drinks last night.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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