jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
