I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
