My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
