I think scott just propositioned me for sex
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
