We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You may now shotgun with the bride
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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