question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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