he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
