It's like God shit irony all over that family
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
