I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
