i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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