I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
