mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
