I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize