dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
