It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
