Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
